3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
