Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
