Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
