Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
