His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
