We need to rekindle our bromance
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
