you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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