From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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