you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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