I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
