She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
