is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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