Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
