i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
