Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
