then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I stole a fireplace last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
