Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
