NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
