she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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