Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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