you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
