Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We have started to decorate penises.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
