Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
