put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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