i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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