I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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