i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
