he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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