So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
