so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
