Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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