I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
