I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The power of my boobs compel you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
