butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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