I am puke
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's never too late to be topless.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
