This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
