my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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