Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Everclear isn't food dammit
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
