At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
