he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
