What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
