Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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