That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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