Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
