That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
