he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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