sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So squirting runs in the family.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
