dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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