i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
