Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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