Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
